One Trump to Rule Them All • Democracy Handbook with Bassem Youssef Ep. 3

One Trump to Rule Them All • Democracy Handbook with Bassem Youssef Ep. 3


As-salaam alaikum, everyone! My name is Bassem Youssef. In my native Egypt, I was a surgeon— until the Arab Spring, when I realized my country itself had fallen ill. So I created a comedy show to help the nation heal. The people liked it, but the government, not such much. And before things got worse, I left for the land of the free. Now I can learn from the best. After all, this is the United States of America— the greatest democracy on Earth. Right? As everyone knows, democracy is great–in theory. But in the real world it’s so damn boring. A constitutional Um. –a constitutional. Is this not working? Which is why it’s so great to see that America is finally warming up to the idea of being ruled by the biggest bully with the most gold. That’s how we do it in the Middle East. And I can assure you, it works. Even when it doesn’t work… it works. And the Orange Menace has all the qualities of a fantastic supreme leader: He controls the media. “I won’t be doing the debate.” He has a cult of personality. It’s a beautiful building Did he need to put his name all over the front of it? He’s fearless. Hey look at this! The hostile takeover of Donald Trump! He silences the opposition. –Property for a living. –Let me talk. Let me talk. Quiet. He likes to see people suffer. “Would I approve waterboarding?” “You bet your ass I’d approve it!” He rules absolutely. What would you do if the US military refused to carry out those orders? “They won’t refuse.” “They’re not going to refuse me.” He has all that gold. All the hardware for this seat is 24-karat gold to match the rest of the gold plating throughout the aircraft. And, most importantly, he has what so many dictators before him have had: a deep abiding friendship with Dennis Rodman. So Dennis, you went and you saw Kim Jong-un. I happen to think tha’ts a good thing, I really do. One Trump to Rule Them All There has been a lot of chatter about Trump and Muslims. Will he deport us? Will he kill us? Will he fire us? You’re fired. I don’t know why everyone is so worried! Donald Trump is the only choice for the discerning Muslim who loves America but misses the comfort of a really solid dictatorship. And there is no bigger Muslim Trump superfan than Saba Ahmed. Who do you think will win this Presidential election? Trump. Would you vote for him? I would. Despite everything that he said, you would. Yes, because we believe in his business background. We feel he can actually help revive the economy. and fix things in Washington. So, it sounds like kind of an uphill fight for you. Trump’s saying that, you know, we should ban Muslims, build a wall. I mean just a couple of days ago he just made this comment about bullets dipped in pig’s blood. I feel like it’s part of politics. “There is a great hatred toward Americans by large segments of the Muslim population. It’s going to get worse and worse. You’re going to have more World Trade Centers. They have no respect for human life.” What you have to understand is whenever you say something against Islam or Muslims, you get the votes. I mean, this is politics, right? It’s politics. Yeah, he can trash us all he wants as long as he gets into the White House. That’s how this country works. Would you consider just being just less Muslim-y? No. I think I would actually ask Trump or Ivanka to start a scarf collection line as well at one of their things. Trump scarves? Saba is thinking too small. There are 1.6 billion Muslims in the world. Trump hijabs, Trump niqabs, Trump burkinis. The possibilities are endless! I still didn’t have a good handle on what Trump’s plans were, so I journeyed down south with his followers to find out. I believe that he loves America. Well, he’s definitely energetic. He’s electric. I think you can depend on what he tell you that he’ll do what he tells you. Trump. A hundred percent. He’s a loudmouth and I think we need that. Yeah! You understand exactly how is he going to make America Great again? Uh, I might not understand fully, but I like what I do hear for the most part. So– Like what? Um. I mean, he’s literally saying he’s going to make America great again. And you like that? I love that! I think he can help get this country back on the financial road. So do you think that he’s successful financially? Yes, very much so. Tell us about some of his successful businesses. I cannot. I just know that every businessman fails, goes bankrupt, like several times. He doesn’t answer to anybody. That’s right. He doesn’t obey anybody. That’s right. Nobody can hold him accountable. That’s right. Yeah. That’s amazing. I like Donald Trump because he is a very intelligent person. What has he done or said that made you think that he’s smart? Well, I watched him on “The Apprentice.” Yes. Yes. Yes. That’s, that’s, that’s crazy. Oh, he’s here! Oh my God, look! And there he was, up in the sky, taking his place among the Gods. You know, Saddam Hussein, Muammar Gaddafi, Adolf Hitler. CROWD: USA! USA! USA! “We’re gonna start winning. We’re gonna win. We’re not gonna lose. Why are we losing?” “Whose gonna pay for the wall?” CROWD: Mexico! “We’re gonna get rid of Obamacare very, very much.” Yeah! F**k you, Obama! “We’re gonna knock ISIS out so fast.” “2nd Amendment, which, by the way, we are going to keep and solidify.” Yeah! Guns! Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump Yeaaaaaah! By our souls! By our blood! We will die for you, Trump! Yeah! Oh, I just know you’re going to love absolute rule! It’s so much simpler. Cheaper. Quicker. Shinier. So let’s make it happen. Let’s turn this– I pledge allegiance to the flag… into this: (IN KOREAN): Our father, General Kim Jong-il. Oh, wait! We already have! President Donald Trump knows how to make America great! Deal from strength or get crushed every time! Trump has what matters most for a dictator: a 24-hour news cycle that follows him around like a dog. And when he’s elected, I hope he turns the War Room into the Board Room– and puts the whole thing on TV. That way, people can tune in every week to see who the Supreme Leader will fire! Will he fire China? Will he fire North Korea? Will he put Dennis Rodman in his cabinet? We’ll all have to tune in and find out.

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100 thoughts on “One Trump to Rule Them All • Democracy Handbook with Bassem Youssef Ep. 3

  1. I liked Bassem when he was in Egypt because he always says the truth, but now he is talking about the democracy and the freedom in the USA and he forgot that what he is doing now in the US shows how much freedom is there because if an American man do the same in an Arabic country they will kill him.thank you Bassem for showing us the real freedom and democracy in the US.

  2. "He's only saying that to get the votes" was literally what people said about Hitler. I'm not exaggerating either. There's a newspaper clipping from the 30's that has somebody saying exactly that about him.

  3. Trump's the kind of guy who ruined modern America in the first place. All of his product lines are manufactured off-shore using labor kept cheap through economic imperialism. He has no clue how to re-create and foster a thriving and content middle class.

    But you know, that whole e-mail thing. She knew it was wrong. And with Trump, at least you know who the boss is. It's Putin. With Hillary, you have no clue. Maybe Soros?

  4. يلعن ام الجهل والتخلف هذا
    اللهجة تنطق ولا تكتب
    المصريين عايشين في عالم مختلف ومتخلف عننا
    اتمنى الترجمة تكون فصحى للجميع

  5. Wow, I'm laughing but somehow I am even more terrified. "he said he would make America great again" because words are enough, we don't need plans, proper sentences, or factual information.
    HEEOOO DOOGGY PEEEEWWWAAAAAAAAAH.

    I find it difficult to vote for someone who is NOTICEABLY STUPIDER THAN I AM.

    Anyway thank you for taking the time to help me laugh at an election cycle that has clearly turned into war on knowledge, reason, and social acceptance.

  6. Bassem Youssef, as a supporter for the dictator El Sissi in Egypt was trying to tell everyone what happened in Egypt is not a coup but the coup leader throw him outside Egypt later after the dictator used him to wipe his as*# https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BptV03tCAAAAzm2.jpg

  7. If we let Trump win, yes our country will become a dictatorship. It might seem like a win for his followers but once he starts to sink his teeth in deeper into our country, his followers will also suffer for no dictator has ever treated his own people with equality.

  8. These idiots have NO idea who they just elected. I'll be sitting back awaiting nuclear war and laughing. Wait until the new Tax plan comes out and the S.S pension will be wiped out !!

  9. bassem yousseff is a terrorist sympathizer . he was trying to turn it into a joke when the egyptian army was warning people about the isis threat in sinai

  10. it's politics? Is this guy soft? Is she really that shallow, it's never politics, look if even the Spaniards can understand that using rhetoric is not politics the USA should also understand that.

  11. This will be my new show to watch. And I would love to see what this woman's opinion is now. Going for the second muslin ban.

  12. Bassem cheering on trump is actually the funniest thing "F*ck you Obama…Guns!Guns!Guns!" And I died when he started doing the old Saddam chant.

  13. oh this shit is good! how the hell did I miss this video? It feels like Americans have been following middle east for so long now, that they finally decided they wanted a taste of tyranny, and they are going to get it good!

  14. This is one of the few guys who can actually turn the views silly americans have towards muslims and ISLAM acquired for decades UPSIDE FREAKIN DOWN

  15. we support him because he'll "get america back on track financially!" People say this even though they have no idea how he plans to do it, but they believe that he will do it because he is wealthy, or just wears the appearance of wealth and success. aaah success. it's such a nice word. success. people really need to read a history book or they will be doomed to repeat the process of putting shady gangsters in positions of power, just because they say that they will make the country they live in strong. Apparently that's all you need to be elected. Put on a suit, find out what people are worried about, and say that you will solve all of those problems.

  16. Look at these bunch of liberals crying and demonizing trump saying how they're going to move to canada Its funny to watch

  17. For the sake of the world I wish that little Don don't fire anybody, instead he should fire himself, in all meanings of the word: fire!! 😆

  18. باسم يوسف العرب اضاعوك وامريكا لم تعطك حقك حتى الان ك إعلام معقول يضيع عمرك توهان؟

  19. Wonder if now those who voted for that imbecile in the WH feel now that he's making a mess of America and that tax plan which will hurt the same dumbasses who voted for him. Trump is all big corporations and big oil. #SUCKERS

  20. طب لو اطردت من امريكا دلوقتي هتعمل ايه ،،،انتا مش هتبطل ؟؟ ،،انا خايف عليك والله مع اني كنت مختلف معاك في حجات كتير بس خايف عليك 😔

  21. I know it might be just a part of the comedy but Trump isn’t a dictator. He’ll only be President for 4 years or worse case scenario 8 years. But he isn’t doing anything in his power to get more terms in office other than campaigning.

  22. This like borat but less funny this is not hate BTW
    P.s it's like borat because it's a about a foreigner who dose a documentary about America

  23. انت قليل الأدب على فكرة علشان تربط الدكتاتورية بالإسلام الدكتاتورية فكل الشرق الأقصى والأوسط وفكتير من دول امريكا اللاتينية هما دول كلهم مسلمين الصين البرازيل كوريا الشمالية وايه معناه ان احنا اتعودنا على كدا وعلشان كدا البعض منا بيؤيد ترامب انت أصلاً كنت اداة فايد الدكتاتوريين دول واترميت لما المنفعة خلصت منك من فضلك راجع حسباتك قد تكون انت آل م غ ف ل آل ك ب ي ر 😬

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