Can I just say that I am loving everything
about this city. It is my first time here
spending time, and I am loving everything
about it. Like, every day
is a party in Miami. Like, every day. It doesn’t matter where you go. I went to a church service
the other day, and they didn’t have a choir–
they had a deejay. It was the dopest thing.
It was like… ♪ Do unto others, others,
others, others… ♪ (song escalating) ♪ Jesus died for your sins. ♪ (mimicking dance beat) We were praying
until 6:00 in the morning. (laughter, whooping) Glad we prayed. And I don’t know
if it’s just me, but I-I feel like–
I feel like everybody out here is excited about the midterms. You guys excited? Yeah? (cheering and applause) You can feel that energy. You know, uh– you know
who else is, uh, really excited? Donald Trump. (booing) Oh, wow. Wow. You guys sound
like a roomful of Melanias. Wow. Anyway, just-just like you, uh, President Trump knows
that the midterms are only seven days away. And so, to motivate his voters, right, he’s-he’s doing something
really special. Well, it’s the thing
that he does best. He’s scaring the shit out
of his voters, all right, specifically
by using brown people. It’s sort of like Halloween but
a racist Halloween, you know? Or as Megyn Kelly calls it,
Halloween. And, uh… and so, every day,
Trump’s number one focus has been the caravan. I don’t know
if you’ve seen this. And if you don’t know,
the caravan is basically a group
of a few thousand people who are walking
to the United States from impoverished
and crime-ridden countries like Honduras and Guatemala, and they’re walking to the U.S.
partly as a protest and partly to apply for asylum
and a better life. And-and it’s a tough journey. They’ve got no food,
they’ve got no water, there’s nowhere to bathe. It’s basically like Burning Man, except the people
aren’t pretending to be poor, you know what I’m saying? Like, it’s-it’s a group
of people who are saying to America,
“Hey, we’re in trouble. Can you help us?” And Trump has responded
with this. The U.S. military said today
it’s sending more than 5,000
active duty troops to the Mexican border
to deal with a caravan of Central Americans
who intend to seek asylum here. WOMAN: Those 5,200 troops
actually outnumbering the roughly 4,000 migrants
making up that caravan, and nearly equaling
the number of U.S. personnel fighting ISIS in Iraq. -Really?
-(booing) Trump is sending the same amount
of troops to deal with asylum seekers
as he sent to fight ISIS? Like, that has got to be
so weird for the troops. It will be one guy talking
to another is like, “I’m headed “to Iraq
to stop a violent death cult from destroying civilization.
Where are you going?” It’s like, “Oh, I’m going
to try to convince a baby to crawl south, yeah,
just switch around.” And you know what’s even worse is that Trump is sending
more troops than there are migrants, right? So the troops can basically play
man-on-man defense, you know? Just like, “Okay, you get Juan,
I’ll get Jose. “I’ll take the old lady.
Come on, come on, Abuela. “Come on, Abuela.
Come on, come on. Aah, she got through my legs!
Goddamn it, Abuela!” (cheers and applause) Are you gonna send more? And now, and now, just-just so
we’re on the same page– these people aren’t illegal
anything, right? They’re planning
to apply for asylum once they get
to the U.S. border, right? It’s not like they’re just gonna
rush across the border like a giant game of red rover.
That’s not what’s gonna happen. Although, that would be super
dope. Can we admit -that that would be super dope?
Yeah. -(applause) Like, in fact,
instead of having a border wall, America should have the troops
holding hands at the border. Right?
And then the immigrants run, and if they break through,
you get citizenship. -I think that’s a fair game.
-(applause and cheering) I’m watching that show! I don’t know about you,
but I’m watching that show. “This summer on NBC, it’s Red Rover:
Citizenship Edition.” ‘Cause I’m sorry.
This is just ridiculous. Instead of sending 5,000 troops
to the border, why not send 5,000 judges
and lawyers to help with the asylum process?
Why send the troops? (cheers and applause) Anything would make more sense
than sending 5,000 troops. Like,
it would even make more sense if Trump was just like,
“You know what? “America is just gonna
turn off the lights and pretend no one is home.”
That would even make more sense. Just like,
“Shh. Everyone, be quiet!” Although, you know
Trump would mess that up. Everyone would be quiet, and
he’d be like, “We’re not here!” (laughter) “Mike Pence told me
to say we’re not here!” And now, I think the reason
Donald Trump is sending troops to these asylum seekers instead
of help is because, in his mind, this is an invasion, and when I say “in his mind,”
what I mean is on Fox News. Thousands upon thousands of
migrants literally marching to the U.S.
in what would be a mass invasion in order to demand entry. This migrant caravan– it’s not
a caravan, it’s an invasion. Here is a mob of humanity driving towards
the U.S. Southern border. This looks a lot like
an invasion. -It’s an actual invasion.
-An invasion. Thousands and thousands
of people on the bridge. When you looked at that bridge
loaded up with people, that’s called an invasion
of our country. Really, an invasion? Get the (bleep) out of here,
man! An invasion? (cheers and applause) Let me ask you this.
Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. What kind of invaders apply
to come in and give their enemy
three-months warning? Yeah, what kind
of invasion is that? Like, I missed the history class
where Paul Revere was like, “The British are coming! “But not until, like,
April, okay? “King George just wanted me
to tell you guys in advance ’cause he knows you guys are,
like, super busy, okay?” And like… here’s my problem. (applause and cheering) Here’s my problem. Here’s my problem
with all the fearmongering. My big problem
with the fearmongering about this caravan is that Trump and his friends–
they don’t even seem to know what they’re afraid of. And they’re coming with diseases
such as small pox and leprosy and TB, that are gonna affect
our people in the United States. The overwhelming majority are
young men in their twenties. They’re strapping,
they’re strong. WOMAN: We got HIV, measles,
pertussis, rubella, rabies, hepatitis A, influenza,
TB, shigellosis, syphilis. When you look at that caravan and you look…
of largely very, you know, big percentage of men, young, strong,
a lot of bad people. -(laughter)
-That’s right. These migrants
are both super strong and riddled with disease. These are the strongest lepers
I’ve ever seen! (laughter, applause, whistling) They’re just coming
across the border… their jacked arms falling off
in the streets. (laughter) Make up your mind. And honestly, honestly,
if I were the migrants, I would be worried
about catching one of America’s weird diseases. Have you seen the shit
people have in this country? If I was a migrant,
I’d be like, (Latino accent):
“Hey, man, I want a better life, “but I don’t know about America. “I don’t want to catch
a gluten intolerance, man. -(laughter) -“You hear they have
irritable bowel syndrome “up there, man? “I had a cousin who went there. “Two months later,
he had restless leg syndrome. You can’t cure that shit.” -And now…
-(applause, cheering, whistling) And now, I know… I know some of you right now
are asking me, you’re going, “Trevor, why do you even bother
with Fox News? “You know who they are. “They’re always bringing…
they’re bringing xenophobia, they’re bringing racism,”
and that’s true. That is true.
But here’s the thing, I assume that some of them
are good people. -(laughter) -Because
even though this network might seem like one giant
caravan of dangerous extremists, I believe there are people
in there who mean well. The migrants, according
to Fox News reporting, are more than two months away, if any of them
actually come here. But tomorrow is one week
before the midterm election, which is what
all of this is about. There is no invasion. No one’s coming to get you. There’s nothing at all
to worry about. We’re America–
we can handle it. -(applause) -Now, that’s
a guy who deserves asylum.